2806 Reynolda Road, # 211
Winston-Salem, NC 27106
(336) 499-1977
colleen@byersmediation.com
One of the worst ways to start a negotiation is by telling the other person that they or something they believe is wrong.
Party A: I believe X.
Party B:
X is categorically untrue.
Don’t rush headlong into the impasse.
Plan a strategy AROUND the impasse.
Step 1: Acknowledge that Party A believes X.
Note you can acknowledge without agreeing.
Step 2:
Ask Party A for THEIR ideas about how to handle X.
Here’s an illustration.
(Yes, all my good illustrations continue to come from my children).
4-year-old [waking me up at 2am]:
“There are bees in my bed!”
Here is where telling her that there aren’t any bees in her bed is not going to get me any closer to my goal of getting us both back to sleep.
Me: "Oh no, there are bees in your bed!?"
[Step 1 – Acknowledgment]
4-year-old [nodding with wide eyes]: "Yes!"
Me: "What do you want to do about the bees in your bed?"
[Step 2 – Seek HER ideas]
4-year-old: "I want you to shoo them away."
Me: "I can do that."
I proceeded to shoo away imaginary bees, a solution to this problem that never would have occurred to me had I not asked for her ideas about how to solve the problem.
Bonus: I didn't waste precious time running straight into the impasse by trying to reason my way through things with a scared 4-year-old at 2am.
Negotiation outcomes:
1. 4-year-old was satisfied and no longer scared.
2. We both got back to sleep in record time.
Win-Win.