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How to Ask Better Questions
Colleen Byers • Nov 30, 2023

How to Ask Better Questions


Have you ever asked a question and then scratched your head at the response and wondered if perhaps you were not speaking the same language?


Have you ever been in a meeting and asked a question only to be met with blaring silence and blank stares?



Although we cannot control what may or may not come out of someone else’s mouth, we can follow a few simple steps to ensure that we ask better questions to set ourselves up for the most productive response possible.


Step 1 – Lead with Your Why


In one short sentence, tell the other person why you are asking the question. We previously outlined more details on how to accomplish Step 1 here.


Step 2 – Use Open-Ended Questions


Turn your internal interrogator off. No one likes being grilled and if they feel like you are interrogating them, they are going to clam up and not give you the information you seek. Instead, you open-ended questions. An open-ended question is one that does not suggest an answer.



Here is an example:


I value our working relationship. What do you need from me so we can meet this project deadline?


Here are a few key phrases to make part of your everyday life:


“Could you tell me more about that?”


“What do you think?”


“How are you feeling about ….”


“What makes you say that?”


“How will that help you/us with ….”


“What if we explored ….”


“What is your concern?”


Focus on using open-ended questions that start with “What” or “How” and watch the quality of the responses improve drastically.

Managing Emotional Clients

By Colleen Byers • 06 Feb, 2024
Managing Emotional Clients Colleen L. Byers collaborated with fellow neuroscience geek and mediator, Chris Osborn, to deliver this month’s Expert Continuing Legal Education (CLE) Series sponsored by the North Carolina Bar Association. Colleen co-presented about the impact of trauma on clients in the legal system and shared some practical tools for managing difficult emotions within ourselves (as lawyers or as mediators) as well as with our clients. View the CLE, which includes 1 hour of Mental Health/Substance Abuse credit in North Carolina here .

How to Negotiate Around Impasse Through Brainstorming Options

By Colleen Byers • 31 Jan, 2024
You have been mediating and negotiating all day long. You are fully invested and can sometimes glimpse the fragile light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, all the momentum that has been slowly building all day seems to come to a screeching halt. How do you avoid crashing into an unbreakable impasse? First things first. Pause and take a deep breath. Then take another deep breath for good measure. Then get a sheet of paper and a pen. Along the left side of the paper, write the numbers 1 through 5. Now, with pen in hand, ask yourself these questions and write the responses next to numbers 1 through 5. What is the craziest idea I can think of to solve this problem? What is the second craziest idea I can think of to solve this problem? What is a variation of the other side’s idea that would work for me with an adjustment? What is another idea? What else might work? You have now generated five new possible ways to solve this problem that you can share with the other side to keep the negotiation moving forward and avoid running straight into an impasse. Let me give you a real-life example. My daughters were fighting over the most coveted seat on the couch. The older child asserted, “This is my spot. I always sit here.” The younger child claimed, “But I was here first today!” Unsurprisingly, their attempts to persuade the other to acquiesce were unsuccessful. They are not old enough to engage lawyers to determine who had the stronger legal claim to the coveted seat on the couch but they both came running to me pleading their respective cases in hopes that I would serve as the arbitrator. I declined to serve as an arbitrator but did put my mediator hat on. We all sat at the kitchen table with paper and pen to brainstorm possible solutions that would work for both of them. You may be wondering how I got my young children to do this. I told them that they could not watch any television until they found a solution to which they could both say yes. So down they sat with pen in hand. Using questions 1 through 5 above, as prompts, they generated the following ideas: Take turns – alternate days; Take turns – set a timer and then switch; Sit on top of each other; Build a fort on the couch for both of us. Then we went back through the list one by one, and I asked each child if they were a “yes” or a “no” for that particular idea. Here is what that looked like:
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